i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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