We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
