My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
