READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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