I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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