i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
