No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
