so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
