Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
