Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
