i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
