i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's always time for handjobs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
