Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Panties = found
Randomize
