Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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