Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
