ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
