don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
