She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
