Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
50% drunk capacity currently
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
