I look better un-naked...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
