My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
