your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
