So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
