just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
