And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
