I think I am morally bankrupt
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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