One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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