the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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