Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need to align my fucking chakras
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
