Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
