Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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