you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
