I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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