I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
