I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
