I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
