well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
