I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
