my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
