Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
