No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and she was petting her beer can
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
