This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
they're like a gay fantastic four
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
