just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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