I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
