chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
