i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
