Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
