I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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