i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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