id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
